omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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