I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
