I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
