I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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