I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
