He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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