tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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