But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
