I cockslap morals
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
