she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
