are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
