Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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