I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
