he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
