Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
