I just saw a hot homeless man
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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