ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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