so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So much Jack, so little girl.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
