You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
