it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
