why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
