after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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