I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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