So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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