Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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