He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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