It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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