Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
