Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
