I'm really into asian looking animals
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
