I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
