she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
