But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
