Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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