I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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