But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
