Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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