From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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