you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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