I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
