he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
