He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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