"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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