im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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