The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
