i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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