Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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