Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
