the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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