actually, I'm a sock model
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
